My butt hurts and other things
Yes, so I am a 25 year old married woman. I'm basically in the stage of my life where I'm in denial that this is what I was looking forward when I "grew up." Seriously, college plays a cruel joke on people with professors telling them that they can do whatever they want and that a bachelor's degree means a shit. When I graduated, I felt like I was kicked in my ass onto the curb without any clothes on. I know, that can be a raunchy picture, but just go with me for a little while.
So now I live in San Diego where my husband of two years and I have lived since July 2003. Let's just say that married life in San Diego is somewhat strange. Maybe that's because no one else is married and if they are, they're having affairs with anything with two legs and a hole! Okay, okay, not everyone is a sex crazed animal, but more people are open with infidelity. The bar scene is very interesting. There's everyone from 18-55 on a Saturday in any bar in the city. And married folk are pretty sparse unless they are looking to swing and I don't mean dance. The bars are like a primal mating ground where people engage in rituals of some sort of primitive dance. Okay, most of the men have one mission... to get the closest girl next to them completely drunk and hope to get lucky. What a relief it is to know that I have a faithful husband that puts up with all of my crap and ask any member of my family, it's a lot of crap! I'm so relieved that I do not have to try to find "the one" at a stinky, sticky, hole in the wall bar. With my luck, it would be a tattooed man that goes by the name of Little Chuck and the only reason I'm talking to him is because my friends left me when I went to the bathroom! Oh well, Little Chuck is probably pretty interesting.
Oh, so today I come into work and I'm extremely relieved it's Friday. Although I'm late because I had issues this morning with my ass. Serious issues. Let's just say that I crapped a whole five course meal this morning and it wasn't over. Until 3:00 p.m. there was a constant rumble in the jungle. I think I have the "run to the bathroom while undoing my belt" bit down pat. And it's ok when a man does this because they're expected to stink, pick their nose and generally do disgusting things. But I'm supposed to be lady like and not let my ass explode every 1/2 hour. Well, sometimes even a classy woman like myself has to piss out of my ass. At my work we have one men's and one women's bathroom located right next to the lunchroom. Now, I'm just guessing, but that cannot be a very nice odor when walking in to eat lunch. Don't worry, I made an announcement to my coworkers to not enter the women's bathroom for about 45 minutes because "I just tore it up." My husband will be so proud of me when he finds out that I have started my very own blog! Now, people across the world can really see just how disgusting and rancid my mind really is. Ahhh...it feels good to let it all out.
So now I live in San Diego where my husband of two years and I have lived since July 2003. Let's just say that married life in San Diego is somewhat strange. Maybe that's because no one else is married and if they are, they're having affairs with anything with two legs and a hole! Okay, okay, not everyone is a sex crazed animal, but more people are open with infidelity. The bar scene is very interesting. There's everyone from 18-55 on a Saturday in any bar in the city. And married folk are pretty sparse unless they are looking to swing and I don't mean dance. The bars are like a primal mating ground where people engage in rituals of some sort of primitive dance. Okay, most of the men have one mission... to get the closest girl next to them completely drunk and hope to get lucky. What a relief it is to know that I have a faithful husband that puts up with all of my crap and ask any member of my family, it's a lot of crap! I'm so relieved that I do not have to try to find "the one" at a stinky, sticky, hole in the wall bar. With my luck, it would be a tattooed man that goes by the name of Little Chuck and the only reason I'm talking to him is because my friends left me when I went to the bathroom! Oh well, Little Chuck is probably pretty interesting.
Oh, so today I come into work and I'm extremely relieved it's Friday. Although I'm late because I had issues this morning with my ass. Serious issues. Let's just say that I crapped a whole five course meal this morning and it wasn't over. Until 3:00 p.m. there was a constant rumble in the jungle. I think I have the "run to the bathroom while undoing my belt" bit down pat. And it's ok when a man does this because they're expected to stink, pick their nose and generally do disgusting things. But I'm supposed to be lady like and not let my ass explode every 1/2 hour. Well, sometimes even a classy woman like myself has to piss out of my ass. At my work we have one men's and one women's bathroom located right next to the lunchroom. Now, I'm just guessing, but that cannot be a very nice odor when walking in to eat lunch. Don't worry, I made an announcement to my coworkers to not enter the women's bathroom for about 45 minutes because "I just tore it up." My husband will be so proud of me when he finds out that I have started my very own blog! Now, people across the world can really see just how disgusting and rancid my mind really is. Ahhh...it feels good to let it all out.
posted by Martha | 5:29 PM
2 Comments:
Martha,
Maybe it was something you ate, but I think that you expressed yourself very well. But a more evolved Blog might include pictures and this is also a great excersize in Blogging. I sure hope that your hubby is proud. I think that mine is of me. But of course, yoou must be proud of you, first. Aloe on the hole is good advice. lol S&R
Dude, you are one sick bitch!! I miss it!
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