Hung Over and Over It - The Big Day
After sufficiently embarrassing my family the evening before and waking up with a nagging headache, the last thing I want to do is go to a bridal shower. Who in the hell actually likes bridal showers? I push through the awkward socializing and butt kissing like a champ and try to prepare mentally for the B-Party.
Saturday, August 20th
I'm sitting with the bride to be and my brother (the groom to be) at their place shooting the shit. I feel like I'm going to pass out, but I can't and so I chug a Bud Lite and a Red Bull (my body is saying, "You are going to pay for this bitch!").
Since I was a tequila champion the night before, my brother buys the most expensive bottle of tequila he can find for the B-Party. Bad idea.
The party gets started by all the bride to be's friends coming over. There was a gigantic blow up penis, boobie tassels, an enormous penis flashlight (I carried that around all night) and a cake complete with a frosted penis that stood about 6 inches high. Basically, all the things necessary for a B-Party.
I'm feeling slightly out of place and I figure the best solution is to get everybody wasted. Bring on the tequila!
The rest of the evening was basically disastrous. In between shots at the bar, I had a bisexual lady hit on me. She told me, "You're beautiful and I want to make out with you," and when I told her I was married she said, "Well, haven't you ever wondered?"
Umm... NO!
She was a friend of a friend of one of the girls that was there and I spent the rest of the evening avoiding her.
The night was winding down, or maybe that was me falling on the ground repeatedly, but out of my drunken haze I see a police officer. No, I didn't get into any sort of altercation, but why in the hell do I recognize him?
Oh wait, that's right... he was the police man who busted me for shop lifting when I was sixteen (I'm talking a felony charge and spending some time in the clink)! Of course, I cordially introduced myself and thanked him for setting me straight. He looked at me like I was insane, but I'm sure he was thoroughly impressed that I had obviously taken a new direction in life.
The journey home was filled with peeing in the street, talking shit to random guys and basically all the things a belligerent drunk asshole does. I vaguely remember puking my guts out when I got home and eating some cold ass buffalo wings. But I don't remember calling my husband and he still hasn't told me what the hell I said to him!
The full glory didn't start until the next morning though.
Saturday, August 20th
I'm sitting with the bride to be and my brother (the groom to be) at their place shooting the shit. I feel like I'm going to pass out, but I can't and so I chug a Bud Lite and a Red Bull (my body is saying, "You are going to pay for this bitch!").
Since I was a tequila champion the night before, my brother buys the most expensive bottle of tequila he can find for the B-Party. Bad idea.
The party gets started by all the bride to be's friends coming over. There was a gigantic blow up penis, boobie tassels, an enormous penis flashlight (I carried that around all night) and a cake complete with a frosted penis that stood about 6 inches high. Basically, all the things necessary for a B-Party.
I'm feeling slightly out of place and I figure the best solution is to get everybody wasted. Bring on the tequila!
The rest of the evening was basically disastrous. In between shots at the bar, I had a bisexual lady hit on me. She told me, "You're beautiful and I want to make out with you," and when I told her I was married she said, "Well, haven't you ever wondered?"
Umm... NO!
She was a friend of a friend of one of the girls that was there and I spent the rest of the evening avoiding her.
The night was winding down, or maybe that was me falling on the ground repeatedly, but out of my drunken haze I see a police officer. No, I didn't get into any sort of altercation, but why in the hell do I recognize him?
Oh wait, that's right... he was the police man who busted me for shop lifting when I was sixteen (I'm talking a felony charge and spending some time in the clink)! Of course, I cordially introduced myself and thanked him for setting me straight. He looked at me like I was insane, but I'm sure he was thoroughly impressed that I had obviously taken a new direction in life.
The journey home was filled with peeing in the street, talking shit to random guys and basically all the things a belligerent drunk asshole does. I vaguely remember puking my guts out when I got home and eating some cold ass buffalo wings. But I don't remember calling my husband and he still hasn't told me what the hell I said to him!
The full glory didn't start until the next morning though.
posted by Martha | 7:52 AM
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