Ouch

My ass blew up again and again at work today. I feel like battery acid is coming out of my anus. Every time I get the "poopy" cramps, I want to stick a cork up my butt. Instead, I resort to awkwardly excusing myself from whatever meeting I'm in or phone conversation I'm having (because shit can never decide to come at a convenient time) and sit in pain on a piece of uncomfortable porcelain while sweating through my clothes. Not to mention the wide array noises that erupts from my ass. They're kind of like snow flakes...not one of them is the same.

AND I had to scamper into a ditch last night while I was running and crap on in what looked like raw sewage. Oh, and I wiped my ass with some leaves I found. I'm feeling a little itchy-scratchiness going on downtown.

Crapping while running has been my forte since high school. There's not a car I wouldn't squat behind or bathroom toilet I wouldn't stick my ass on. When the Poopy Monster takes over, a person does things he/she normally wouldn't do, unless of course, paid a large sum of money.

Yes, I am obsessed with bowel movements, and it's not just limited to my own.

Basically I can't wait to go running tonight.