I Hate "Bikers"
I hate all people that ride motorcycles or think they are the suburban reincarnation of Lance Armstrong. Let's get going with the motorcycles (I'm not here to f-around today).
First, why in the hell would a person want to race around town with a machine sounding like a elephant with diarrhea? I work on the 2nd floor next to a busy residential street. When a motorcyclist a.k.a. I Have a Penis the Size of a Baby Carrot (that's the Indian name...feather, not dot) decides to rumble by my office, it sounds like a series of small earthquakes happening in succession. If I could get my hands on Carrot, I would seriously like to kick his ass. And why do men have to have something vibrating between their legs anyways?
I once worked with a guy that said he loved how loud the bike sounded between his legs...gross.
And what the hell is so damn special about f-ing choppers that makes people who ride them have a permanent smug smile on their face? Do these leather faced, food-in-the moustache, good-thing-I-have-a-helmet-on-because-I'm-balding retards know something I don't? Maybe they think they're special because they ride up and down the same street 5 hours a day and then return home to their hole in the wall apartment to smoke cigs and drink Shlitz. Now that's hot.
I'm such a bitch...oh well, moving on.
Why do cyclists think they're f-ing automobiles? I could have sworn that the turing lanes in the street were specifically built for cars and not for idiots on bicycles. And why does every Corky who owns a bike have the official race shirt of Lance Armstrong? They have got to be f-ing kidding me.
Bicyclists a.k.a. Vaginas (there's no way a man without one could endure riding on a stick for that long) also think they are pretty hot shit. Believe it or not, I'm actually pretty friendly when I'm on my long runs. The banter that goes on between other runners and myself motivates me to finish strong. Bikers, however, are pieces of shit. It's almost as if they think they're better than runners and driver alike. For some reason, a $5,000 bike, awesome padded spandex, wind resisting sunglasses and 2 ounce helmets makes the middle aged person invincible.
There are two types of cyclists; the first is the middle aged, overweight, trying to find a new hobby person. This type is annoying because they have no f-ing clue what they're doing. They figured because they bought all the expensive shit that they automatically deserve to be in the Tour de France.
The other category of cyclists consists of people who are actually training for a competition. These wise guys are the real ass holes. They are the ones who think that there should be an entire car lane devoted to their cause. When I come across these Vaginas while running, there is not much I can do besides give a dirty look, but things could be much different in my car. I have fantasies of driving by them with a whip cream pie and nailing them in the face while they're waiting for the turn signal (in the turning lane reserved for cars of course).
I've come to the conclusion that living in California is responsible for the above phenomenons. People who reside here are, in one way or another, complete materialistic shit heads. Whether it's showing off a custom built chopper, buying the most technically innovative hybrid or just being normal by spending gobs of money on plastic surgery, people have this overwhelming urge to outdo one another. It's actually kind of hard not to get pulled into this kind of lifestyle. It's like a black hole that you know you need to escape, but the journey into it like a train wreck that you can't seem to turn your head away from.
I apologize if any of you are bikers, either motorcycles or bicycles, but this is truth where I live.
First, why in the hell would a person want to race around town with a machine sounding like a elephant with diarrhea? I work on the 2nd floor next to a busy residential street. When a motorcyclist a.k.a. I Have a Penis the Size of a Baby Carrot (that's the Indian name...feather, not dot) decides to rumble by my office, it sounds like a series of small earthquakes happening in succession. If I could get my hands on Carrot, I would seriously like to kick his ass. And why do men have to have something vibrating between their legs anyways?
I once worked with a guy that said he loved how loud the bike sounded between his legs...gross.
And what the hell is so damn special about f-ing choppers that makes people who ride them have a permanent smug smile on their face? Do these leather faced, food-in-the moustache, good-thing-I-have-a-helmet-on-because-I'm-balding retards know something I don't? Maybe they think they're special because they ride up and down the same street 5 hours a day and then return home to their hole in the wall apartment to smoke cigs and drink Shlitz. Now that's hot.
I'm such a bitch...oh well, moving on.
Why do cyclists think they're f-ing automobiles? I could have sworn that the turing lanes in the street were specifically built for cars and not for idiots on bicycles. And why does every Corky who owns a bike have the official race shirt of Lance Armstrong? They have got to be f-ing kidding me.
Bicyclists a.k.a. Vaginas (there's no way a man without one could endure riding on a stick for that long) also think they are pretty hot shit. Believe it or not, I'm actually pretty friendly when I'm on my long runs. The banter that goes on between other runners and myself motivates me to finish strong. Bikers, however, are pieces of shit. It's almost as if they think they're better than runners and driver alike. For some reason, a $5,000 bike, awesome padded spandex, wind resisting sunglasses and 2 ounce helmets makes the middle aged person invincible.
There are two types of cyclists; the first is the middle aged, overweight, trying to find a new hobby person. This type is annoying because they have no f-ing clue what they're doing. They figured because they bought all the expensive shit that they automatically deserve to be in the Tour de France.
The other category of cyclists consists of people who are actually training for a competition. These wise guys are the real ass holes. They are the ones who think that there should be an entire car lane devoted to their cause. When I come across these Vaginas while running, there is not much I can do besides give a dirty look, but things could be much different in my car. I have fantasies of driving by them with a whip cream pie and nailing them in the face while they're waiting for the turn signal (in the turning lane reserved for cars of course).
I've come to the conclusion that living in California is responsible for the above phenomenons. People who reside here are, in one way or another, complete materialistic shit heads. Whether it's showing off a custom built chopper, buying the most technically innovative hybrid or just being normal by spending gobs of money on plastic surgery, people have this overwhelming urge to outdo one another. It's actually kind of hard not to get pulled into this kind of lifestyle. It's like a black hole that you know you need to escape, but the journey into it like a train wreck that you can't seem to turn your head away from.
I apologize if any of you are bikers, either motorcycles or bicycles, but this is truth where I live.
posted by Martha | 2:02 PM
6 Comments:
Why? quite simply, if we bikers have to explain, you wouldn't understand.
Perhaps they're smiling because they're enjoying themselves.
Obviously that's an alien concept to you.
I don't mind them on open roads really...but when the f'ers are thundering down my street I feel like takin em out w/sticks of dynamite or grenades;
it's just like with cars.
you would enjoy a nissan skyline,and we enjoy our bikes(i drive a sportsbike hahaha to you)
it is a great feeling to ride a bike,you grab it,and control it like you want,
other than cars,they control you hahahahahahahahhahahaha
You sound like a man hating feminist lesbian.
I'm surprised this bitch runs. I thought she'd be a 400-pounder massacring her knees trying to do a good deed and get healthy between regular runs to McDonalds.
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