Two Pounds Down, Ten To Go
Arg! I've gained 10 pounds (okay fine, 12 pounds) and I can't seem to lose any of it! I've basically had to purchase a whole new wardrobe (gasp!) because I literally can't fit into my work attire. Alright, maybe I can squeeze into a pair of pants, but I can't exhale, bend over or walk. Then there's this issue of my work out shorts...my thighs literally eat them. If I don't constantly tug on the nylon out of the cottage cheese, it ends up looking like my crotch actually eats shorts. I also get scared that if I don't constantly pick my ass, I will lose my workout clothes to a black hole. Who know's where they'll end up?
Oh yes, there's more.
I gain weight particularily in the thigh and ass sections (couldn't have guessed that one, right?) and I swear to God that's where each pound I gain goes to. I would be the most awkward looking obese person ever. The majority of my upper body would be relatively slender and from my calves to my ankles wouldn't be into too bad of shape either. I just wouldn't want anyone looking at my midsection. You've all seen a gross lady with a HUGE fat ass. You know it's actually as big as it looks because you can see the green cotton shorts stretching to barely cover the fatness (not that I've ever noticed such a thing).
So I've been hitting the gym like a complete psycho. For those of you who are familiar with me personally know that the word "psycho" is definitely fitting for my work out ethic (let alone my entire personality). Lifting weights, running, doing seemingly endless stints on the stairmaster and the eliptical machines and not to mention killing my abs has rendered a weight loss of frickin' two pounds!
Why does my weight fluctuate like twenty pounds in one day (you know what I mean)?!? Seriously, one day I was feeling pretty good and then the next day I felt like I was right back to square one! Alright, I know there's no mystery when I eat like an absolute pig and drink like a f-ing camel, but it's still a little frustrating.
The truth is I'm getting older and my metabolism is slowing down, but that still doesn't mean this bull shit doesn't f-ing suck ass!
I seriously think my body is changing. Or maybe that's just my excuse until I can fit into my pants without hearing the seam rip, but what if that day never comes? I can't bear the thought.
Then I somewhat take solice in the fact that I was unable to run for a couple of months because I aggravated a nerve somewhere in my ass and as a result, I got kind of depressed and started drinking and eating a little more than ususal. Fine, I ate and drank like I was being transfered to a concentration camp each and every day. I just remind myself that I didn't grow out of my pants overnight and I won't be able to fit in them in that amount of time either.
Oh yes, there's more.
I gain weight particularily in the thigh and ass sections (couldn't have guessed that one, right?) and I swear to God that's where each pound I gain goes to. I would be the most awkward looking obese person ever. The majority of my upper body would be relatively slender and from my calves to my ankles wouldn't be into too bad of shape either. I just wouldn't want anyone looking at my midsection. You've all seen a gross lady with a HUGE fat ass. You know it's actually as big as it looks because you can see the green cotton shorts stretching to barely cover the fatness (not that I've ever noticed such a thing).
So I've been hitting the gym like a complete psycho. For those of you who are familiar with me personally know that the word "psycho" is definitely fitting for my work out ethic (let alone my entire personality). Lifting weights, running, doing seemingly endless stints on the stairmaster and the eliptical machines and not to mention killing my abs has rendered a weight loss of frickin' two pounds!
Why does my weight fluctuate like twenty pounds in one day (you know what I mean)?!? Seriously, one day I was feeling pretty good and then the next day I felt like I was right back to square one! Alright, I know there's no mystery when I eat like an absolute pig and drink like a f-ing camel, but it's still a little frustrating.
The truth is I'm getting older and my metabolism is slowing down, but that still doesn't mean this bull shit doesn't f-ing suck ass!
I seriously think my body is changing. Or maybe that's just my excuse until I can fit into my pants without hearing the seam rip, but what if that day never comes? I can't bear the thought.
Then I somewhat take solice in the fact that I was unable to run for a couple of months because I aggravated a nerve somewhere in my ass and as a result, I got kind of depressed and started drinking and eating a little more than ususal. Fine, I ate and drank like I was being transfered to a concentration camp each and every day. I just remind myself that I didn't grow out of my pants overnight and I won't be able to fit in them in that amount of time either.
posted by Martha | 11:34 AM
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